Hey everyone! Today, I want to dive into a different side of guilt. Lately, I’ve been feeling guilty for not finishing tasks on time or for choosing to say “No” and relax instead of going out. That’s when it hit me—guilt often ties itself to wrongdoing, but it doesn’t always have to

Have you ever said sorry even though it wasn’t your fault? Or felt bad for saying “no” just to look after yourself? That’s guilt, and it can pop up even when we haven’t actually done something wrong ourselves

Guilt doesn’t always mean you did something bad. Sometimes, it comes from doing something good, being kind, or just trying to be the best version of yourself.

Guilt is a social emotion. It acts like an internal compass, guiding us to “do the right thing.” The problem? Sometimes this compass becomes overly sensitive. Even when there’s no real wrongdoing, your brain may fire off guilt signals just to be safe.

Let’s look at a few common moments:

• You turn down a friend’s invite because you’re exhausted — but then you feel guilty the whole evening.
• Take a day off from work after weeks of stress but can’t stop thinking, “Am I being lazy?”
• Putting off a task because you’re mentally drained, then feel guilty for procrastinating, even though rest is what you needed.
• You enjoy being home working on your goals but then feel guilty for not spending time with family or friends.
• You’re doing your best and slowly moving forward with your goals, but feel guilty for not making faster progress or for not being good enough.

None of these actions are wrong — yet the guilt still creeps in. Why does that happen?

Psychologists say guilt isn’t always about doing something bad. Sometimes it’s about how much we care, how we were raised, or how we judge ourselves. This kind of guilt is called “unnecessary” or “false guilt.”

Let’s explore in detail

Why Do We Feel “False Guilt” ?

1. Unrealistic Expectations and Perfectionism

Sometimes we place unrealistic pressure on ourselves to be perfect. When we fall short of our own high standards—often shaped by social comparison and fear of judgment—we may feel guilty, even if we’re genuinely doing our best.

We live in a culture that often glorifies hustle, speed, and constant productivity. If you’re working hard but not moving “fast enough,” you might start feeling like you’re failing

This disconnect between effort and perceived success can create a low-level guilt that simmers beneath the surface.

For example, if you’re working hard but not moving fast enough, you might think you’re failing, even though you’re making steady progress. It’s a harsh mental trap: You feel like you’re not doing enough even when you’re doing all you can.

2. Empathy and Caring Too Much

Highly empathetic people often absorb others’ emotions. If you’re sensitive to the feelings and needs of those around you, it’s easy to mistake their discomfort as something you caused—even if you didn’t.

This kind of emotional misattribution can leave you feeling falsely guilty when you’ve done nothing wrong.

For example, saying “No” to a friend, colleague, relatives or taking time for yourself might make you feel guilty because you’re worried about letting them down, even if it’s what you needed.

3. Upbringing and Learned Behaviour’s

Many times, we pick up guilt from the way we have been raised. If we grew up in an environment where guilt was often used to control or motivate us, we might carry that with us into adulthood. This can make us feel guilty even when we’re doing something perfectly fine.

For example, you might have been told you were “good” only when you did what others wanted and made to feel bad when you said “no” or tried to do things your own way. As an adult, this can translate into chronic guilt—especially in moments of rest, success, or independence.

4. Judging Ourselves Harshly

Some people are naturally more self-critical. They might constantly feel like they’re not doing enough, or that they’re falling short, even when they’re not.

This negative self-judgment leads to false guilt that isn’t based on reality, but on how harshly they view themselves.

5. Society and Cultural Pressures

Society often has expectations about how we should behave, what we should achieve, and how we should feel. When we fall short of these standards—like feeling guilty for saying “no” to additional work because you’re already occupied or feeling guilty for prioritizing your own goals over others’—we carry unnecessary guilt

6. Struggling With Internalized Beliefs

We all want to succeed, improve, and be our best selves. We also set goals for what we should achieve by certain ages. But sometimes, these beliefs can make us feel guilty if we think we’re “not doing enough” or “not moving fast enough,” even when we’re doing well. It’s like wanting to be perfect, but realizing that progress takes time.

These beliefs can make us feel guilty or afraid just for living our lives.

How to Cope with Unexplained Guilt

Pause and Assess:

Ask yourself, “Did I actually do something wrong, or am I just feeling responsible for things I can’t control?”

Reframe the Thought:

If the guilt isn’t based on facts, remind yourself that feelings aren’t always accurate. For example, if you feel guilty for not getting things done because you were feeling lazy or tired, instead of beating yourself up, try reframing it. Say, “It’s okay to take a short break. I’ll get back to the task in 30 minutes and do my best then.”

This allows you to acknowledge your need for a break without letting guilt control your actions.

Practice Self-Compassion, but Stay Honest:

Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend—with kindness and understanding. But be careful not to confuse self-compassion with avoidance. Sometimes we say things like “I’m just tired” or “I’m overwhelmed” and use that as a reason to put off important tasks or goals.

Instead of accepting those thoughts right away, pause and ask yourself, “Is this truly how I feel, or am I making an excuse?” Listen to that quiet inner voice—it often knows our real truth.

4. Talk to a Professional:

Chronic, unexplained guilt could be a sign of deeper issues like depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. A therapist can help you explore the root causes.

Life can be overwhelming at times. Whether you’re facing stress, anxiety, self-doubt, or simply feeling stuck, you’re not alone.

In fact, many people struggle with finding balance and clarity in their personal and professional lives. However, the good news is—you don’t have to navigate it alone.

What is 1-on-1 Mental Health Life Coaching?

1-on-1 mental health coaching provides a safe, supportive, and judgment-free space where you can explore your thoughts, emotions, and challenges with a professional coach.

Unlike therapy, which focuses on healing past wounds, coaching is future-focused—it helps you set goals, build resilience, and develop strategies to overcome obstacles.

How Can Life Coaching Help You?

💡 Manage Stress & Anxiety: Learn techniques to reduce stress and develop a healthier mindset. 💡 Boost Self-Confidence: Overcome self-doubt and embrace your true potential.

💡 Find Clarity & Direction: Get clear on your goals and create a plan to achieve them.

💡 Improve Work-Life Balance: Develop habits that prioritize your well-being without compromising success.

💡 Cultivate a Positive Mindset: Shift from negative thought patterns to empowering beliefs.

Why Invest in Yourself?

Taking care of your mental health is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. When you invest in your inner well-being, you create a foundation for a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

Moreover, Coaching provides the tools, guidance, and accountability needed to break through barriers and create lasting change.

Start Your Journey Today!

Your mental health and happiness matter.

So, if you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to help you on your journey. Book a free discovery session to see how 1-on-1 coaching can benefit you.

Reach us through Contact form to book free discovery session.

Why You Should Avoid Sharing Your Goals with Others

At first, sharing your goals with others might feel exciting and empowering — after all, who doesn’t want a little support or validation?

But, here’s the twist: revealing your dreams too early or to the wrong people can actually backfire in surprising ways. So, what’s going on here? Well, while it seems like a good idea, sharing your goals can sometimes leave you feeling deflated instead of motivated.

Here’s the deal: when you broadcast your plans to everyone, you might unknowingly set yourself up for unexpected negative consequences. The truth is, keeping your goals private can be a game-changer in maintaining continuous motivation. Curious about why? Let’s dive into the reasons why keeping your goals to yourself could be your secret weapon to success!

The Psychological Impact of Sharing Your Goals

1. False Sense of Accomplishment:

When you tell someone your goal, your brain might trick you into feeling like you’ve already accomplished part of it. This happens because verbalizing your goals activates the reward centre of your brain. However, the problem is that this can reduce the actual drive to take action, ultimately leading to procrastination.

2. External Validation Can Be Distracting:

Their negative and limiting beliefs, based on their own experiences, can make you doubt yourself. Keep in mind that their advice is shaped by their past, which might not be true for you. This can create unnecessary doubts in your mind. When you seek approval from others, you become dependent on their opinions. If you share your goals and don’t receive the positive feedback you were hoping for, it can lead to self-doubt and lower your motivation. Relying on others for validation pulls you away from your inner drive, which is crucial for long-term success.

3. Judgment and Negative Feedback:

Not everyone will support your goals. Some people might doubt you or criticize your ambitions, either consciously or unconsciously. As a result, this negative feedback can drain your energy and make you question your capabilities, even though it’s not warranted.

4. Increased Pressure and Stress:

Sharing your goals can sometimes add unnecessary pressure. When others know about your goals, you might feel obligated to succeed in front of them, creating anxiety and stress. Consequently, this pressure can make you less focused on the actual process and more concerned with the end result.

How to Keep Your Motivation Strong

1. Keep Goals to Yourself
Instead of announcing your goals, focus on internalizing them. Write them down and create a plan, but keep them private. This allows you to work on your goals without the influence of others’ opinions.

2. Work Consistently
The more you work quietly and consistently toward your goals, the more motivation you build. As you accomplish small milestones, you’ll experience a natural sense of achievement that will keep you moving forward, without needing external praise.

3. Find Motivation Within
Draw motivation from your own passion and vision for the future. When your drive comes from within, it’s more sustainable and less reliant on outside influences. Trust in your ability to achieve your goals without needing others’ approval.

4. Share Only with Trusted Supporters
If you feel the need to share your goals, choose wisely. Only share with people who will support you and offer constructive feedback. Avoid individuals who are more likely to criticize or discourage you.

The Benefits of Keeping Your Goals Private

1. Focused Action: Without distractions or external judgments, you can focus on the process of achieving your goals, rather than seeking approval.

2. Reduced Pressure: You can work at your own pace and avoid unnecessary stress caused by others’ expectations.

3 Stronger Commitment: By internalizing your goals, you make them more personal and meaningful, which increases your commitment to them.

Conclusion

While it’s natural to want to share your dreams, ultimately, keeping your goals to yourself can actually lead to greater long-term motivation. Instead of seeking external validation, focus on your internal drive, trust in your ability, and stay committed to your own path. By doing so, you’ll build the momentum you need for continuous progress and success. In the long run, working quietly towards your goals will help you stay on track and achieve the success you desire.

Have you ever noticed how easily we can spot flaws in others while turning a blind eye to our own shortcomings? It’s a fascinating quirk of human behaviour, reflecting deeper questions about our moral compass and self-awareness. What drives this tendency to judge others more harshly than we judge ourselves? Exploring these dynamics offers a window into the complexities of human nature and the origins of our ethical beliefs. Let’s unravel this intriguing phenomenon together and ponder how it shapes our interactions and understanding of ourselves.

What Psychology says:

The reluctance to acknowledge our own faults often stems from a blend of psychological defences and social influences. Psychologically, admitting fault can threaten our self-image and ego(Identity). It requires confronting aspects of ourselves that may be uncomfortable or even painful to acknowledge. As a result, we may employ defence mechanisms such as denial or projection—attributing our own shortcomings onto others—to protect our fragile sense of self-worth.

How do we Protect of our ego’s

Failures are our own doing. Do we agree that it often come from not understanding our own strengths or the effort needed to reach our goals? It’s tough on our ego, isn’t it? Habitually its easier for us to blame things like bad luck, fate, or other people because that way we don’t have to deal with a bruised ego (Personal and social identities).

Blaming others might save your ego in the short term, but it can lead to more frequent failures, unnecessary anxiety and may put you into depression. That’s because we miss out on the chance to improve ourselves. Sure, working on ourselves doesn’t guarantee success every time, but it can definitely reduce the chances of failing.

The environment we grow up in plays a big role here. From a young age, we learn what’s acceptable and what’s not in our community. This often makes us more likely to shift the blame onto others instead of facing the consequences of our own actions.

On top of that, comparing ourselves to others complicates things. By focusing on others’ flaws, we might get a quick boost to our self-esteem, but this usually means we’re avoiding a genuine look at ourselves. Let’s be aware of these patterns and focus on taking responsibility for our own growth.

Spiritual Insight:

Because we’re so fixated on looking outward rather than inward, our minds find it easier to magnify the faults of others while remaining blind to our own. It’s like wearing glasses that only see imperfections in others, leaving our own flaws unnoticed in the blur. This brings to mind a famous quote by Sadhguru:

Your ability to see your own faults is very limited. Other people can see your faults much better. But their ability to see their faults is also very limited, so it evens out. 

We need to change ourselves. We need to go from compulsive state to conscious state. We need to become introvert to know the self : Sadhguru : Founder of Isha Foundation

Where Does Our Conscience Come From?

Our conscience—the inner voice that guides our moral decisions and judgments—develops through a more nuanced interplay of factors:

• Developmental Stages: During our childhood and teenage years, we learn about morals from our parents, friends, and society. These early experiences build the foundation for our understanding of what is right and what is wrong.
• Cultural and Social Influences: Cultural values and societal norms play a significant role in shaping our sense of right and wrong. They define what behaviour are seen as good or bad in different societies. These influences differ greatly between cultures and affect how people view and deal with moral challenges
• Innate Moral Capacity: Some theorists argue for an innate moral sense—a foundational predisposition towards empathy, fairness, and altruism that underpins our conscience. This inherent capacity interacts with our experiences and upbringing to mold our ethical reasoning.
• Reflection and Experience: As we navigate life’s complexities, our conscience evolves through reflection on our actions and their consequences. This introspective process allows us to refine our moral judgment and develop a deeper understanding of our ethical responsibilities towards ourselves and others.

The Path to Personal Growth

Acknowledging our tendency to overlook faults in ourselves while scrutinizing others is the first step towards personal growth and ethical maturity. It demands cultivating self-awareness, humility, and a willingness to engage in honest self-reflection.

By understanding the origins of our conscience—rooted in both innate capacities and external influences—we gain insight into the complexities of moral decision-making. It underscores the importance of nurturing a robust moral compass that guides us towards integrity, empathy, and accountability in our interactions with the world.

In conclusion, unravelling the intricacies of why we ignore our faults and where our conscience originates invites us to explore the depths of human nature and the transformative power of self-awareness. It challenges us to strive towards a more compassionate and conscientious existence—one where introspection and empathy pave the way towards personal fulfilment and harmonious relationships.

Let us embark on this journey of self-discovery and ethical inquiry, for therein lies the key to a more enlightened understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

Techniques for Overcoming Bias

Overcoming the tendency to overlook our own faults while scrutinizing others requires conscious effort and a commitment to personal growth. Here are two powerful techniques that can be effective in addressing the tendency to overlook faults in ourselves:

Reframing

This technique involves changing the way you mentally represent a situation or behavior. When you find yourself criticizing others, consciously reframe the situation by considering how you might be prone to similar behaviours or attitudes. This helps to balance your perspective and promote self-awareness.

• Original Thought 1: “My friend never replies to my texts. She must not care about me.”

• Reframed Thought 1: “Maybe my friend has been really busy or overwhelmed lately. I’ve also had times when I didn’t respond quickly. I’ll check in with her to see if she’s okay.”
• Original Thought 2: “My coworker is always late. It’s so frustrating.”
• Reframed Thought 2: “Maybe they’re dealing with something I don’t know about. I’ve been late before too.”

Model Questioning

The self-questioning encourages asking specific questions to clarify and challenge limiting beliefs or generalizations. When you notice yourself making sweeping judgments about others, use Model questions such as “What specifically do I mean by that?” or “How do I know this to be true?” This helps to uncover underlying assumptions and encourages more accurate and balanced thinking.

Example Situation: You overhear someone making a decision you disagree with and immediately label them as “irresponsible” or “incompetent.”

Model Questions:

• “What specifically do I mean by ‘irresponsible’? Is it based on facts or assumptions?”
• “Have I ever made a decision that others might have disagreed with? What was my reasoning?”
• “How do I know this person’s choice was wrong? Could there be factors I’m unaware of?”

Why it works: By questioning your assumptions and generalizations, you challenge your automatic judgments. It helps you pause before labeling someone, encouraging deeper reflection and reducing bias. Model questioning helps uncover hidden biases and fosters more open-minded thinking.

In conclusion, while we are born with a foundational sense of right and wrong, our upbringing and societal norms play crucial roles in refining our moral compass. Some teachings may emphasize that “we are all different, and our choices shape our lives,” while others may imply that “you must be perfect or you are perfect, and every outcome of your efforts should be flawless.” Recognizing these biases is essential for personal growth and ethical development. By cultivating self-awareness, humility, and a willingness to honestly reflect on ourselves, we can begin to overcome these tendencies. Understanding the origins of our conscience offers profound insights into human nature and underscores the importance of nurturing qualities such as integrity, empathy, and accountability in our interactions. This journey of self-discovery and ethical exploration invites us to strive for a more compassionate and conscientious existence, fostering not only personal fulfilment but also harmonious relationships with others. Let us embrace this journey as an opportunity to deepen our understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

Have you ever wondered why “sharing stuff with friends & family” is so glorified?

Before we explore its perceived importance, let’s ponder this: Could feelings of loneliness, perhaps, stem from holding back our thoughts or from comparing ourselves to idealized versions on social media and within social setups?

The fact is that a significant majority—about 90%—of people lack deep self-awareness. Instead, many adhere to societal norms without genuine introspection, a behaviour learned from an early age.

Consequently, this raises the question: Could there be more to loneliness than meets the eye? Let’s explore this further.

Inherent Capability and Emotional Resilience

The human species possesses the inherent capability to manage our emotions independently. However, this vital skill is hardly taught effectively—whether at home, in school, or anywhere else.

As a result, we end up with a gap in our emotional resilience, which ultimately leads to loneliness and rising cases of anxiety and depression.

This happens because we are constantly looking for people to share with and spend time with to overcome our loneliness. However, in today’s digital age, everyone is busy with their own lives.

Early Conditioning and Social Interaction

From an early age, we’re told to talk and share with others instead of focusing on self-reflection and writing things down on a daily basis.

As a result, this wires our brains to think that without constant chatter and sharing, we can’t tackle loneliness.

Moreover, with the pressures of modern life, we’re short on time and have fewer interactions, which further reinforces this belief, leading us to think that we cannot maintain mental well-being without regular meeting ,sharing and engagement with friends, family and peers.

Root Causes of Loneliness

I’m not here advocating that we should cut ourselves off from socializing altogether—connecting with others is an important part of being a social animal.

However, we need to recognize that feelings of loneliness often stem from deeper issues, such as lacking purpose, feeling unfulfilled in our daily routines or lifestyle, and not having clear goals or passions to pursue.

These factors contribute to the sense of monotony and joylessness that many experience in their daily lives, especially after their thirties, when responsibilities mainly revolve around family obligations.

Furthermore, this phenomenon is increasingly affecting youngsters as well due to various reasons like social media, instant gratification and comparison, pressure to succeed, changing family dynamics, lack of authentic connections, uncertainty and future anxiety, and cultural norms and expectations.

Addressing these issues, therefore, requires a holistic approach.

Strategies for Combatting Loneliness

To combat loneliness effectively, it’s imperative to address its roots. This begins with introspective practices such as journaling, exploring insightful books, setting clear goals, pursuing passions, and most important fostering positive and empowering self-talks.

Disempowering thoughts and beliefs:

• I feel isolated because I don’t have friends to confide in.
• My thoughts and feelings don’t matter since there’s no one to listen.
• I can’t find solutions to my problems because I have no one to bounce ideas off.
• I’m missing out on meaningful connections and experiences because I don’t have close friends.
• Without friends, life feels empty and lacking in purpose.
• I struggle to express myself because I don’t have a supportive social circle.
• I feel disconnected from others and unable to relate to people around me.
• I’m destined to be lonely because I haven’t found anyone who understands me.
• I’m not worthy of friendships or meaningful relationships.
• My happiness depends on having someone to share my life with.

Positive and empowering self-talks:

• I find true fulfilment by nurturing my inner peace and self-awareness.
• I trust in my own abilities to create joy and fulfilment in my life.
• I am complete and whole within myself, regardless of external circumstance.
• I embrace my independence and cherish the connections I do have.
• I am surrounded by love and support, even if I don’t always see it.

These type of self-talks or affirmations can help shift the focus away from disempowering beliefs about loneliness and encourage a positive mindset towards self-worth, resilience, and attracting fulfilling relationships. (Technique 2))

By gaining clarity on our authentic selves and identifying our fundamental needs & Personality type, we pave the way not only to navigate loneliness but also to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.

Conclusion: Holistic Approach to Well-being

In essence, while social interaction has its merits, true fulfilment lies in the balance between external connections and internal self-reliance.

By nurturing both, we embark on a journey towards holistic personal growth and emotional well-being.

Therefore, I encourage you to begin by identifying the true sources of loneliness—the root causes—and understanding your authentic self and core needs.

Ultimately, this self-awareness is essential for effectively addressing and navigating through feelings of loneliness.

Overthinking and anxiety are terms that are often used interchangeably, but they actually have different meanings. While overthinking is when you can’t stop worrying about every little thing, anxiety, specifically, is a more generalized feeling of apprehension and uneasiness. Additionally, anxiety is often focused on the future.

In this post, I will discuss the differences between these two concepts, as well as share some strategies for managing them. Whether you’re dealing with overthinking or anxiety, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone and there are ways to cope.” 

People try to create an outwardly perfect life, but the quality of life is based on the inward- #Sadhguru

Introduction

Overthinking:

Overthinking refers to a repetitive process of dwelling on or obsessing over thoughts, events, or scenarios. In other words, it involves analyzing situations excessively, often focusing on potential negative outcomes or past events. As a result, overthinkers may have difficulty making decisions due to overanalysing possibilities and may feel stuck in a loop of thoughts without reaching resolution.

Anxity:

Anxiety is a broader emotional and physiological response to perceived threats or stressors. It involves feelings of worry, fear, or apprehension about future events, with a sense of unease or dread. Anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, and difficulty concentrating. It is often accompanied by irrational or excessive thoughts (worries) that are challenging to control.

Distinguishing Features

A) Focus:

• Overthinking: Focuses on repetitive thoughts and analysis of specific situations or events, often related to past experiences or decision-making.
• Anxiety: Focuses on future-oriented worries or fears about potential threats or negative outcomes.

B) Impact on Functioning:

• Overthinking: Can lead to indecision, difficulty concentrating on tasks, and a preoccupation with details that may not significantly impact daily functioning.
• Anxiety: Can significantly impair daily functioning, affecting work, relationships, and overall quality of life due to heightened stress responses and avoidance behaviors.

C) Physical Symptoms:

• Overthinking: May not always be accompanied by physical symptoms unless it escalates into anxiety or stress-related reactions.
• Anxiety: Often accompanied by physical symptoms such as tension, restlessness, gastrointestinal issues, and sleep disturbances.

D) Time Orientation:

• Overthinking: Often involves dwelling on past events or ruminating about current issues without necessarily projecting into the future.
• Anxiety: Primarily focuses on future concerns and potential threats, with an emphasis on anticipation and preparedness.

     Example Scenarios:

• Overthinking: Spending hours replaying a conversation in your mind, analyzing every word spoken and its potential implications.
• Anxiety: Feeling intense fear and dread about an upcoming presentation, accompanied by physical symptoms like sweating and a racing heartbeat.

Strategy To Overcome From Mental Trap:

Here are a few steps to Reframe negative thoughts into positive self-talk:

1. Identify negative thought patterns: Notice when you’re engaging in negative self-talk and identify the specific thoughts that are causing you distress.

• Example: You receive a critical comment on a project at work OR You start thinking about being alone in the future
• Thought: “I always mess things up. I’m such a failure / I’ll always be lonely. No one will want to be around me to take care”
• Negative: Thought Pattern: Overgeneralization (i.e., making broad conclusions based on a single event or limited experience or societal belief )

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Question whether the negative thoughts are yours, accurate or helpful. Ask yourself if there’s another way to look at the situation.

Evidence: Is there evidence to support this belief? Is there evidence to support the belief that you’ll always be lonely, or that no one will want to be around to care for you?

Alternative explanations: Are there other reasons this could have happened?/ Could there be other reasons you feel this way, or other possibilities for your future?

Is this helpful? How does this thought help or hinder me? / How does this thought about loneliness help or hinder me? Does it motivate me to take positive action or just increase fear of “what if”? Is it my belief or others ?

3.Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations: 

Choose positive statements that counteract the negative thoughts, such as “I am capable
and worthy,” or “I can handle whatever comes my way”

Affirmation: “I am capable of learning from feedback and improving my skills / I am worthy of close connections and support /I may feel lonely at times, but I am capable of building connections and finding people who care about me / i can set boundaries with family and friends who impose expectations.

Present Tense: “I am open to constructive criticism and use it to grow professionally”/I am open to building lasting, fulfilling relationships. Marriage is not the only relationship to lie happy and fulfilled

Believable: “I have successfully overcome challenges in the past and can do so again and again.”/I have formed meaningful connections in the past, and I am capable of doing so again. I can create the life of my dream”

4. Treatment Considerations:

• Overthinking: Mindfulness can be beneficial.
• Anxiety: Treatment may include therapy (e.g.,cognitive-behavioral therapy(CBT),Neural reprogramming ,Reframing ), medication, and stress management techniques like yoga ,mindfulness etc to reduce symptoms and improve coping skills.

Understanding these distinctions can help individuals identify whether they are experiencing overthinking, anxiety, or potentially both, and seek appropriate support or strategies for managing their mental health effectively.

Understanding the differences between overthinking and anxiety can be crucial for recognizing and managing these mental states effectively. Here’s a questionnaire to help distinguish between overthinking and anxiety:

5. Self Help Technique :

Overthinking vs. Anxiety Questionnaire

Feel free to use this questionnaire to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings related to overthinking and anxiety, and to help differentiate between these two mental states. Technique 3

Hey everyone, In today’s post I want to talk about an important emotion that we all experience
at some point or another: SHAME!

It’s that uncomfortable, embarrassing, guilty feeling we get when we’ve done something wrong or when others make us feel bad about ourselves or a situation. It’s a pretty heavy emotion, but it’s something we all have to deal with in our lives, and in the case of child abuse, victims deal with it every dam day!

It involves a deep feeling of unworthiness or humiliation, often accompanied by a desire to hide or withdraw from others like they have done something wrong against society’s standards or expectations. 

Shame is indeed an emotion, it manifests as a feeling within us.

 

Hidden Powers and Purposes of Feelings (Revealed)

Without emotions, we cannot feel good or bad in our lives. Consider this: 

To truly appreciate happiness, we must first understand the depths of sadness. To truly understand the positive, we must first feel the negative.

This just reminding me of  Ed Shreen Song “Passenger” which beautifully illustrates the importance of understanding and learning from our emotions and feelings.

Emotions are actually chemicals released in response to our interpretation of a specific trigger. Once an emotion is generated, feelings arise in our body.

The Roots of Shame: Uncovering the Hidden Factors

Shame can arise from both inside us, like our own beliefs and values, and outside us,
like what society expects and how it judges us. 

Shame can be triggered by various factors, including:

Social Norms and Expectations: When the individual believe that they have failed to meet societal or cultural
standards of behavior, appearance, or achievement, they may experience shame. 

Example: Experiencing judgment from peers for choosing to pursue a non-traditional hobby or career path, creates feelings of judgment, shame, and hesitation in disclosing it proudly in social settings.

Feeling scared and embarrassed when a parent hurts you, but you don’t tell anyone because you’re worried about what people might think if they find out.

Feeling shameful, coming from a middle-class family, among rich-class fellows. Due to shame emotion, one may feel embarrassed, and uncomfortable, resulting in low self-esteem.

Criticism and Rejection: Being criticized, rejected, or ridiculed by others, whether directly or indirectly,
can trigger feelings of shame and inadequacy. basically, these judgments are like a harsh spotlight on our faults and weaknesses, and they can really mess with our self-confidence.

Example: 

Feeling ashamed and inadequate after receiving a rejection letter from a job application, a person may feel shame discussing this topic, leading to self-doubt about their abilities and worth.

Feeling Ashamed of love rejection may lead to a generalized opinion that love is not good a feeling or should not proposed first.

Comparisons: Comparing oneself unfavorably to others, particularly in terms of achievements,
possessions, appearance, and family status, parent’s work profiles etc. can lead to feelings of inferiority and shame.

Example:

Sneha scrolling through social media, and sees a post from a friend who just got promoted at work, bought a new house, or went on a glamorous vacation, and suddenly, she starts feeling like she is not successful enough, not good enough, or not attractive enough. She starts thinking, “Why can’t I have that? Why am I not as successful/attractive/happy as they are?”

These comparisons can be a real killer for your self-esteem and can easily lead to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and Shame.

Mistakes and Failures: Making mistakes or experiencing failures can evoke feelings of shame, especially if individuals believe they should have been able to prevent or avoid them.

Example:

Feeling ashamed and disappointed after receiving a poor grade on a test, leading to judgmental shame by others, self-doubt, and questioning own abilities.

Experiencing shame after failing a driving test, leads to a feeling of inadequacy and self-blame for not performing better and sometimes person gives up trying again or avoid such topic discussion due to shame.

Trauma and Childhood Abuse: Trauma and abuse can cause long-lasting scars, both physical and emotional. One of the worst things that can happen after abuse is the victim feeling ashamed like the abuse was their fault.

This is a huge problem in our society, where people who commit horrible acts are protected, and their victims are blamed and disbelieved. This backward system keeps people from coming forward and speaking out about their abuse. This vicious cycle of silence and self-blame keeps victims stuck in shame and self-loathing, making it harder for them to heal and move forward. We need to stop protecting abusers and shaming victims. We need to support victims and hold abusers accountable.

Perceived Inadequacy: Childhood trauma and abuse may lead to a feeling of inadequacy or “not good enough” in various areas of the life of a victim, such as relationships, work, or personal accomplishments, which can trigger shame.

Example:

Imagine Priya, haunted by childhood abuse. Though she’s ace at school, she still feels not good enough. At work, even when she is efficient, doubts cloud her confidence. In relationships, she’s always tries to seek approval, scared of being rejected because she perceives herself as inadequate. Every stumble brings a flood of shame, a reminder of old hurts.

Guilt and Self-Blame: Feeling guilty about past actions or choices, particularly if they have hurt others, can lead to shame, especially if individuals internalize the belief that they are inherently flawed or unworthy.

Cultural and Religious Beliefs: Cultural and religious beliefs about morality, purity, and propriety can contribute to feelings of shame when individuals perceive themselves as falling short of these ideals. 

Understanding these triggers can help individuals identify and address the underlying sources of shame and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Understanding the Impact of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Child abuse can exacerbate feelings of shame in various ways, often intertwining with societal expectations and judgments:

Societal Expectations of Family Dynamics: Society often promotes an idealized image of the family unit, emphasizing love, care, and support. When a child experiences abuse within their family, it contradicts these societal expectations, leading to a sense of shame. The child may feel ashamed of their family situation and fear judgment from others if they reveal the abuse.

Judgment from Others: Children who experience abuse may also face judgment from others if they disclose their experiences. Society may blame or stigmatize the child or their family, leading to feelings of shame and isolation. This fear of judgment can prevent children from seeking help or speaking out about the abuse, further exacerbating their sense of shame.

Internalization of Blame: Children who are abused may internalize feelings of guilt and blame, believing that they are somehow responsible for the abuse. This internalized shame can be reinforced by societal attitudes that blame victims for their experiences. As a result, abused children may struggle with feelings of shame and self-loathing, believing that they are unworthy or deserving of the abuse they endured.

In short, societal expectations and judgments can intersect with experiences of child abuse, exacerbating feelings of shame and preventing children from seeking help or speaking out about their experiences. It’s crucial for society to challenge harmful attitudes and stereotypes surrounding child abuse and provide support and resources for affected individuals to overcome feelings of shame and heal from their trauma.

In adulthood, survivors of childhood sexual abuse may continue to grapple with shame, which can manifest in various ways in their life.

They may struggle with intimacy, have difficulty expressing their emotions, or experience feelings of inadequacy in different areas of their lives, such as work, relationships, and self-image.

Conquer Shame: Strategies for Overcoming Self-Judgment and Building Confidence

Overcoming shame caused by the actions of others can be challenging, but there are several
techniques that may help:

Recognize the Source: Understand that the shame you’re feeling is a result of someone else’s actions or words, not a reflection of your worth or identity. Recognizing the source of the shame can help you separate yourself from it and prevent it from defining you. A colleague’s public criticism can cause you to feel ashamed, but recognizing the source of this shame as a colleague’s behavior, rather than a personal flaw, can help you maintain self-worth.

Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the person who triggered your feelings of shame. Communicate assertively about how their actions or words affected you and what behaviors are unacceptable to you in the future. Setting boundaries can help protect your self-esteem and prevent similar incidents from occurring.

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, acknowledging that you’re experiencing a difficult emotion as a result of someone else’s actions. Practice self-compassion by offering yourself the same empathy and support that you would offer to a friend in a similar situation.

Write a letter by addressing yourself as if you are writing to a dear friend. Acknowledge a specific situation or challenge you’re currently facing that is causing you distress. Describe the situation briefly but with enough detail to clarify it in your mind. Offer words of kindness and encouragement to yourself. Imagine what you would say to a friend who is going through something similar. Be gentle and supportive. once you’ve completed writing the letter, read it aloud to yourself. Pay attention to the emotions that arise as you read each sentence. Notice any shifts in how you feel towards yourself. Allow yourself to receive the kindness and compassion you’ve expressed in the letter.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: Challenge any negative beliefs or thoughts about yourself that arise as a result of the other person’s actions. Remind yourself of your inherent worth and strengths, and question the validity of any beliefs that suggest otherwise. Technique 2

Focus on What You Can Control: Shift your focus away from the actions of the other person and toward what you can control in the situation. This might include how you choose to respond, how you take care of yourself, and how you set boundaries to protect your well-being. Technique 1

Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist for support and validation. Sharing your experiences with others who can offer empathy and understanding can help alleviate feelings of shame and isolation.

Practice Forgiveness: Consider practicing forgiveness as a way to release yourself from the grip of shame and resentment. This doesn’t necessarily mean condoning or excusing the other person’s actions, but rather freeing yourself from the emotional burden of holding onto anger and bitterness.

Focus on Personal Growth: Use
the experience as an opportunity for personal growth and learning. Reflect on what you can learn from the situation and how you can emerge stronger and more resilient as a result.

Remember that overcoming shame caused by others’ actions is a process that takes time and self-compassion. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Healing from the deep rooted shame caused by childhood abuse can seem impossible, but with patience and self-compassion, you can learn to see yourself through different eyes

You are not defined by your past experiences or the words of others!