Explore Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Always Yield Expected Results

Why does it seem like positive thinking sometimes backfires, while a bit of negativity leads to unexpected success?

The myth popularized by the Law of Attraction suggests that simply thinking positively, will magically manifest desired outcomes, but the reality is much more complex.

Discover how the dynamic between our thoughts and results is more nuanced than we’re led to believe. By understanding this interplay, you can refine your approach, blending optimism with practical actions to turn both positive and negative situations to your advantage.

Why positive thinking seems to lead to negative outcomes and negative thinking to Positive outcomes ?

This thing involves various psychological, behavioral, and situational factors. Often, we disconnect from reality by viewing positive thinking as a magical solution. We might pressure ourselves by believing that positive thoughts alone should guarantee the outcomes we expect. This approach to positive thinking is misguided and unrealistic. Here’s why:

1. Unrealistic Expectations

Unreasonable Pressure:

When we tie our expectations of outcomes strictly to our positive thoughts, we put undue pressure on ourselves. This pressure can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, which may ultimately hinder our performance and reduce the likelihood of achieving the desired
outcome.

Disappointment:

If the outcome doesn’t meet our expectations, despite our positive thinking, we may experience significant disappointment. This can lead to a feeling of failure, even though the results may have been influenced by factors beyond our control.

3. Ignoring Practicalities

Real-World Challenges:

Positive thinking should complement practical action, not replace it. By focusing solely on positive thoughts, we may neglect the necessary planning, effort, and problem-solving
required to navigate real-world challenges effectively.

Overlooking Effort:

Positive thinking is not a substitute for hard work and practical strategies. Outcomes are influenced by many factors, including effort, skills, and external conditions. Simply
thinking positively without addressing these factors can lead to unmet expectations.

Realistic Optimism:

Positive thinking should involve a realistic assessment of what can be achieved. It’s about maintaining hope and motivation while also acknowledging and preparing for potential obstacles.

Action-Oriented:

Combine positive thinking with concrete actions and strategies. Focus on setting achievable goals, taking practical steps, and adapting to changing circumstances.

4. Balanced Approach

Realistic Optimism:

Positive thinking should involve a realistic assessment of what can be achieved. It’s about maintaining hope and motivation while also acknowledging and preparing for potential obstacles.

5. Effective Positive Thinking

Mindset with Action:

Positive thinking works best when it’s paired with proactive measures and realistic planning. It’s about fostering a positive outlook while remaining grounded in reality and addressing
the practical aspects of achieving goals.

Resilience and Adaptability:

Embrace a mindset that is resilient and adaptable. Understand that positive thinking alone won’t guarantee specific outcomes, but it can help you stay motivated and resilient in the face of challenges.

Conclusion

Believing that the positive thinking or  Law of Attraction will work without taking concrete actions is a common misconception. The Law of Attraction suggests that focusing on positive thoughts can help you manifest your desires, but it requires more than just wishful thinking. To achieve meaningful results, positive thinking must be paired with practical steps, realistic planning, and active effort.

Additionally, it’s important to approach your goals with flexibility, rather than rigidly expecting the outcome to align perfectly with your exact thoughts or desires. Being adaptable helps turn positive thinking into real success, rather than seeing any differences from your expectations as failures.

Exploring the Paradox: Ignoring Our Own Faults While
Critiquing Others

Have you ever noticed how easily we can spot flaws in others
while turning a blind eye to our own shortcomings? It’s a fascinating quirk of
human behaviour, reflecting deeper questions about our moral compass and
self-awareness. What drives this tendency to judge others more harshly than we
judge ourselves? Exploring these dynamics offers a window into the complexities
of human nature and the origins of our ethical beliefs. Let’s unravel this
intriguing phenomenon together and ponder how it shapes our interactions and
understanding of ourselves.

What Psychology says:

What Is The Right Way To Tackle Getting Rid of Guilt?

We’re not supposed to just get rid of emotions as they contain valuable information that guides and grows us if approached correctly and without resistance or judgment. This goes for any emotion. Be it shame, fear, anxiety, apathy, anger, joy, courage, sadness, grief and guilt. Here’s how you approach guilt the healthy way:

Understand the Purpose

The whole purpose of guilt is to make us aware when we are behaving and acting out of character, when we are losing or compromising our integrity and when we did something wrong or hurt someone else. So, when we feel guilty, it’s a sign that our moral compass is still working.

Discover and Reflect on Guilt Nature

Dive deep into the heart of guilt and discover whether it is a friend or foe in your life.

Explore the difference between rational and irrational guilt, and learn how to distinguish your emotions. #Discover how to untangle the complexities of guilt and understand the underlying reasons for your feelings.

Rational Guilt

It’s a feeling of remorse and regret that we experience when we really screwed up or when, whatever we said or did directly caused harm on another. I.e. when you cheated on someone or physically hurt them. This is the type of guilt we are supposed to act on through apologizing, improving our #behaviour and committing to growth.

Those feelings of remorse and regret are supposed to hold you accountable and to show you in what areas you’re not acting in accordance to who you think you are and to who you want to be. When you act on this guilt, it greatly helps to forgive yourself and to let it go.

Irrational Guilt

Irrational #guilt is based on low #self-esteem and experienced when you take responsibility for things you didn’t do and aren’t responsible for at all.

I.e. when you feel guilty for ending a relationship that was toxic to both you and the other. Why isn’t it productive to feel guilty for ending it? Because you’ve been real and did what you thought was best for you and them.

Never apologize or feel guilty for being real.

This type of guilt has to be approached with a focus on building stronger boundaries. On reminding yourself what you can and cannot control, what you are responsible for and what you aren’t responsible for.

Forgive Yourself

It can be very difficult to forgive yourself when you royally screwed up and know for a fact that whatever suffering someone else experiences is the by product and consequence of your words, actions, decisions and behaviours. However, as long as you are committed to personal growth, genuinely apologize and improve your behavior, it’s safe to forgive yourself for and grow through past mistakes since you hold yourself accountable and fully understand why the thing you said or did was wrong.

Call it guilt, fear, anger, or hatred – essentially, it means your thoughts and emotions are working against you – Sadhguru

As for the other person that got hurt, you cannot control if and when they accept your apology.

They may never forgive you or they may find the space in their heart to let go of the past and move on. However, if they do the latter, it doesn’t mean they will take you back.

All it means is that they freed themselves from the resentment that kept poisoning them.

#Practice mindfulness techniques to help you detach from your thoughts and emotions.

By Guest Author:

 

 

 

Daniel Subke 

 

Discover the secret to break free from mental Challenges by learning
to differentiate between Overthinking and Anxiety

Overthinking and anxiety are terms that are
often used interchangeably, but they actually have different meanings. While
overthinking involves excessive #worry and analysis, #anxiety is a more
generalized feeling of apprehension and uneasiness.

Confused in Anxiety and Overthinking

In this post, I will discuss the
differences between these two concepts, as well as share some strategies for
managing them. Whether you’re dealing with overthinking or anxiety, it’s
important to remember that you’re not alone and there are ways to cope.” 

Ever found yourself doing something, then feeling guilty or regret about it later?

I did that because ………………”and you start justifying it to yourself over and over?

A nagging voice in your head kicks in time to time, questioning your choices?

Feels embarrassed or ashamed about something you’ve done, desperately trying to keep it under wraps from others?

You end up doing stuff just because everyone else is doing it, or because you’re afraid of missing out, even if it’s not really your cup of tea?

So, you been there, right?

This post for you, my dear friends! Let’s explore underline cause of these inner conflicts to resolve and empower ourselves by becoming ted more smart, aware and mindful to cope with these unexplainable thoughts. We’re not alone in this struggle! It’s like a secret club of self-doubters and overthinkers.

Overview :

In psychology, the term “Inner conflict” is known as “cognitive dissonance.”

When an individual holds conflicting beliefs, attitudes, or values, or when their actions are inconsistent with their beliefs or attitudes, a sense of discomfort or tension arises in the mind, often manifesting as feelings of guilt, anxiety, stress, or even confusion.  

Cognitive dissonance is common phenomenon for people to engage in internal chat with themselves when they’re trying to figure out their emotions and feelings after doing something.

It’s a fundamental concept in psychology and has significant implications for understanding decision-making, attitude change, and behaviour. Sometimes, what you thought and what you did don’t quite match up, and that can make you feel uneasy or guilty. 

Mismatches Between Your Beliefs and Actions can lead to feelings of discomfort, but you know what? Sometimes feeling that discomfort can actually help you grow and change

Values & Belief Conflicts: 

Value Conflicts are an inevitable part of human life. Guilt and discomfort arise when our actions or decisions contradict our deeply held values. Individuals’ beliefs, principles, or priorities clash with those of others. While these conflicts may seem purely intellectual or philosophical, their psychological ramifications can be profound. 

Values: Provide a sense of purpose and direction (a core principle)

Beliefs: Shape our attitudes and perceptions.

Example 1: someone who deeply value environment protection. They might feel pretty uneasy if their job involves working for a company that’s all about making polythene, which isn’t exactly eco-friendly. 

Example 2: Imagine someone whose core value is Honesty. If they end up having to lie in court because they have a personal relationship with the person on trial, that could really mess with their head leaving them feeling guilt, Shame, or self-doubt, as the person acted in a way that feels dishonest and contrary to their identity of Honesty

Such inner conflict might spill over into their behaviour and responses, causing issues that complicate their relationships with others and even identity crisis, where the individual feels disconnected from their true self, unsure of who they are or what they truly stand for anymore.

Example 3: Someone who deeply value environment protection. They might feel pretty uneasy if their job involves working for a company that’s all about making polythene, which isn’t exactly eco-friendly.

Working for such company, the person is conflicted, as their job supports a product that goes against their environmental values. This creates guilt and frustration, as they struggle to reconcile their passion for protecting the planet with their role. They may start to feel like a hypocrite, torn between their beliefs and their job, which causes guilt, frustration, and internal turmoil.

Few Common Examples of Conflicting Value & Beliefs we’ve all noticed in our own lives :

• You want to be healthy, but you don’t exercise regularly or while dieting often have cheat meals. You feel guilty as a result because your value is “Health is important”. Result of the contradiction between Value (“Health is important”) and belief (that they should exercise regularly and avoid cheat meals) is guilt
• Your Belief(Perception) is that “Smoking/Drinking is harmful to health,” but you do it anyway. You rationalize this action by valuing immediate relief from stress and believing that it helps you feel a sense of control over the consequences. This rationalization helps ease the guilt or discomfort caused by the conflict.
• You’d like to build up your savings (Core Value), but you often spend extra cash as soon as you get it, going against your core value. Later, you regret this decision, especially when faced with an unexpected expense that you can’t cover. This conflict between your actions and your value leads to feelings of regret or guilt.
• You have a long to-do list but spend the day watching your favourite shows or Instagram reels instead. Feeling guilty for not being productive, you don’t want your spouse to know, so you try to make it look like you’ve worked hard all day. This creates a conflict between your intentions (getting things done) and your actions, leading to feelings of guilt and dishonesty.

Remember, it’s natural to encounter conflicts between values and beliefs. What’s important is how you navigate them with integrity and mindfulness.

Challenges Of Value & Belief Conflicts 

1. The Burden of Moral Agony:

Moral turmoil occurs when we recognize the morally correct course of action but find ourselves unable to act or fulfil it due to external constraints or conflicting values. This clash between our ethical beliefs and situational limitations can evoke emotions of guilt, frustration, and powerlessness. 

Consider a passionate animal lover who works at a company that conducts animal testing for cosmetic products. This conflict between his values and job responsibilities can cause significant inner turmoil and ethical dilemmas.

2. Navigating Identity Crises:

Identity Struggle often arise when our core beliefs are closely linked to our self-perception. Confronted with opposing values or societal expectations, we may engage in introspection, re-evaluating our own identity, beliefs, and life’s direction. This internal struggle can evoke emotions of confusion, anxiety, and a decline in self-confidence.

Example: Imagine someone who’s always focused on making money, but suddenly feels drawn to a creative job that doesn’t pay well. They’re torn between what they’ve always been taught and what truly makes them happy. This makes them doubt themselves, their beliefs, and where they’re headed in life, leading to feelings of confusion and anxiety. These thoughts can make them feel unsure of themselves and less confident than before. 

Technique To Resolve Conflicting Value & Beliefs

1. Values Clarification Exercise:

Identify Core Values: Take some time to reflect on your core values – those principles or beliefs that are most important to you. For example, you might list Health, Honesty, Compassion, Family, Career success, or Personal growth.

Rank Your Values: Once you have a list of values, prioritize them based on their importance to you. Consider which values you are not willing to compromise on and which ones are more flexible. For instance, you might rank family as your top value, followed by honesty and career success.

Identify Conflicting Beliefs: Reflect on specific situations where you have experienced confusion or guilt due to conflicting beliefs or values. For example, you might recall a time when you had to choose between being honest with a friend and protecting their feelings, which challenged your value of honesty against your value of compassion.

Explore the Origins: Dive deeper into the origins of your values and beliefs. Consider how your upbringing, culture, past experiences, and influential figures have shaped your worldview. For instance, you might reflect on how your parents’ emphasis on honesty and integrity influenced your own values.

Re-evaluate Assumptions: Challenge any assumptions or beliefs that may be contributing to the conflict. Ask yourself why you hold certain beliefs and whether they are based on evidence, personal experience, or societal norms. For example, you might question whether your belief that success requires sacrificing personal relationships is valid or if it’s a societal stereotype.

Seek Resolution : Look for ways to reconcile conflicting values or beliefs. Explore alternative perspectives, compromise solutions, or reframing techniques that allow you to integrate different viewpoints while staying true to your core values. For instance, you might find a compromise by being honest with your friend in a gentle and empathetic way, thus honoring both honesty and compassion.

Take Action: Implement the resolution strategies you have identified in real-life situations. Practice living in alignment with your core values while navigating conflicting beliefs with integrity and authenticity. For example, you might choose to prioritize honesty in your interactions with others while also considering their feelings and well-being.

Reflect and Adjust: Regularly reflect on your experiences and decisions in light of your core values. Evaluate whether your actions align with your values and beliefs, and make adjustments as needed to maintain congruence and inner harmony. For instance, you might reflect on how your recent actions have aligned with your core values of honesty and compassion, and adjust your behavior accordingly in future situations.

By engaging in values clarification exercise, you will gain clarity on your core values, identify conflicting beliefs, and develop strategies to reconcile them effectively. This process enables you to make confident decisions and take action without experiencing guilt or anxiety afterward, resulting in increased fulfilment and well-being. If you find it challenging to conduct the exercise independently, feel free to reach out to me for personalized guidance at revive2thrivewithmg@gmail.com

2. Reframing:

Reframing is basically shifting or rewiring our perspective or interpretation of a situation in order to change its meaning and reduce mental distress. When faced with conflicting beliefs, emotions, or values, reframing allows us to view the situation in a more positive or constructive light, which can help us alleviate inner turmoil and promote mental well-being. 

This technique involves consciously challenging negative or unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more adaptive or empowering perspectives, ultimately leading to greater clarity, resilience, and inner peace.

1. Belief in independence Vs. belief in family Commitment.

Reframe: Instead of seeing independence and family commitment as opposing values, view them as complementary. Embrace independence while also maintaining strong connections with family members.

2. Belief in ambition or following passion Vs. belief in work-life balance.

Reframe: Rather than viewing ambition and work-life balance as conflicting, see them as mutually beneficial. Pursue ambitious goals while also prioritizing self-care and personal well-being.

3. Belief in honesty Vs. belief in diplomacy.

Reframe: Instead of perceiving honesty and diplomacy as contradictory, recognize them as complementary approaches to communication. Practice honesty with tact and sensitivity, finding diplomatic ways to express truth.

4. Belief in tradition Vs. belief in progress.

Reframe: Instead of seeing tradition and progress as opposing forces, acknowledge that traditions can evolve over time to embrace new ideas and innovations. Honor tradition while also embracing positive change and growth.

5. Belief in individual freedom Vs. belief in social responsibility.

Reframe: Rather than viewing individual freedom and social responsibility as conflicting, see them as interconnected. Exercise personal freedom while also recognizing the importance of contributing to the well-being of society. 

These reframes helps to shift perspective and encourage a more nuanced understanding of conflicting values and beliefs, ultimately promoting harmony & peace within.

Value conflicts are an inherent part of the human experience, challenging us to reconcile competing beliefs, principles, and priorities. By understanding the psychological impact of these conflicts and adopting strategies for resolution, we can navigate them with greater resilience, integrity, and compassion, fostering greater harmony and understanding in our relationships and communities.

Do you ever experience feelings of hurt or being undervalued by the words spoken by your partner, family members, or friends?

I think we’ve all been there at some point.

It's not just about what's said, but how it's being received that matters .

In this post, we’ll explore why certain words have influence over our emotions and our perception of
ourselves, including our sense of self-worth and self-respect. let’s explore how understanding underlying psychology can bring self-awareness in you to help you grow but also deepen your relationships. Join me on this journey where understanding your reactions isn’t just important for personal growth but can also be the foundation for stronger connections with those around you. Together, we’ll uncover why these comments hit so hard and explore strategies to cultivate emotional resilience.

From Reactivity to Responsiveness: The Triggers Behind Why Some Words Sting Hard:

Triggers are stimuli that provoke intense emotional or psychological reactions in individuals, influenced by various factors. These triggers can lead to diverse behaviors and reactions, often causing disturbances in relationships and life. Behavioral and emotional responses to simple sayings or words are influenced by various factors, including:

1. Personal History:

Past experiences, traumas, and upbringing significantly affect how individuals perceive and respond to
words.

For instance, someone who has endured bullying may have a heightened reaction to specific words like “weak” or “fight back.” Similarly, a wife who has discovered her husband’s infidelity may respond defensively and aggressively in social discussions on related topics, perceiving it as a personal attack.

“As these reactions are deeply personal and stem from individual experiences, it’s essential for individuals to recognize and understand their triggers to navigate interactions more effectively.”

2. Beliefs and Values:

Individuals’ perceptions of themselves, others, and their environment significantly influence their emotional and behavioral responses.  For instance, someone who highly values independence may defensively react to words implying dependency or weakness, often resisting suggestions from others.

Similarly, if someone strongly believes that only employed women are valuable, non-working women may feel undervalued, especially when witnessing a husband praising his colleague who is
employed.

This situation may evoke feelings of comparison, personal attack, leading to reactions such as aggression, sarcasm, or emotional distress. Additionally, someone with low self-esteem may misinterpret praise as insincere or sarcastic, further impacting their emotional state.

3. Emotional State:

The current emotional state has a significant impact on how they interpret and respond to
words or situations.

For instance, if someone is grieving and already feeling depressed, they might react more strongly and negatively to simple words, requests, or genuine efforts to help them deal with their grief. They may feel as though others are only concerned about themselves and don’t genuinely care about their loss.

4. Cognitive Processing:

The way individuals interpret and process words can impact their emotional and
behavioral responses.

For instance, someone who tends to catastrophize may interpret a neutral comment as highly negative, leading to an exaggerated emotional response. This happens due to their tendency to magnify or amplify potential threats or negative outcomes in their mind.

By actively challenging and reframing catastrophic thoughts, individuals can reduce the likelihood of exaggerated emotional responses and cultivate a more balanced and resilient mindset.

It’s essential to recognize that it’s our perception of the situation that upsets our mood, rather than the
words or actions of others.

5. Cultural and Societal Norms:

These triggers shaped by cultural & societal norms and interactions, can evoke emotional or behavioral responses which can influence how individuals interpret and respond to words.

Certain words or phrases may carry different meanings or connotations across cultures, leading to varied
emotional responses.

For example, suppose a man assists his partner with household chores and childcare In that case, he may encounter criticism, such as being called “zoru ka gulam” in Indian culture, which can harm his masculinity and self-esteem. As a result, he might avoid helping or react defensively/aggressively to safeguard his ego.

Understanding these dynamics helps us cope with verbal criticism, bolstering emotional resilience
and self-esteem. 

Through self-awareness and mindful communication, we can prevent others’ words and comments from dictating our lives, as they reflect their values and beliefs, not ours.

6. Social validation and comparisons:

Social validation and comparisons are other triggers shaping our emotional well-being and fostering harmony within our homes.

Words that affirm or challenge our social identity and sense of belonging hold significant influence over us. Positive affirmations can uplift our self-esteem, while criticism or rejection may provoke feelings of inadequacy or loneliness.

Social media often amplifies these comparisons, particularly when women encounter their friends’ posts showcasing extravagant weddings, vacations, or seemingly flawless relationships. However, it’s essential to recognize that these curated images may not always reflect reality.

Such exposure often triggers feelings of inadequacy or jealousy, accentuating their own family’s restrictions or limitations and leading to emotional distress.

Consequently, individuals may start taking every other word or statement as a personal attack, affecting not only their relationships but also their social interactions

7. Low Self-Worth:

This factor is crucial in understanding why people often misinterpret situations and feel
others are trying to disrespect or devalue them.

Women are particularly prone to this phenomenon due to their heightened emotional sensitivity, which is
influenced by biological factors.

Misinterpretation of the words contributes to the intensity of emotional reactions triggered
by certain words in several ways:

• Sensitivity to Criticism: Individuals with low self-worth tend to be highly sensitive to criticism or negative feedback, which can trigger intense emotional reactions like shame, inadequacy, or worthlessness, as well as lead to social comparison, all rooted in past experiences and background.
• Validation Seeking: People with low self-worth often seek external validation to feel better about themselves. Imagine someone who continually seeks reassurance from their romantic partner, craving expressions of love and value. Yet, if they receive an unromantic response instead, it reinforces their negative self-perceptions, damaging their self-esteem. This dependency on external validation can result in emotional turmoil and strained relationships, fueling a cycle of seeking approval.

It is important to recognize that our sense of self-worth and value comes from within. Developing a strong internal sense of self-worth that isn’t solely reliant on validation from external sources such as partners, friends, or societal standards is crucial. While seeking reassurance from others is natural, cultivating self-worth independent of external opinions is essential for personal growth and resilience. By understanding and challenging our psychological programming, we can free ourselves from the cycle of seeking validation from others and build healthier relationships.

• Negative Self-Talk: Individuals with low self-worth often engage in negative self-talk, consistently criticizing themselves or doubting their abilities, whether consciously or unconsciously. When individuals hear words that resonate with their negative self-perceptions like ‘You’re not good enough’ or ‘You’ll never succeed, it can validate these beliefs and intensify their emotional reactions, such as anger, sadness, hurt, frustration, and anxiety. 

To deal with negative self-talk, start by recognizing and pen down when it happens and challenging those thoughts. Instead of believing them as truths, question their validity and replace them with more positive alternatives.

Words that challenge or undermine aspects of a person’s identity can be particularly triggering for
individuals with low self-worth. These words may threaten their sense of self and provoke defensive or protective responses to preserve their fragile self-esteem. For example, if someone criticizes a person’s career choice, suggesting that it doesn’t match their abilities, it could lead the individual to question their career path and feel insecure about their skills and value in that profession. This could trigger emotional reactions such as anger, arguments, feeling hurt, or insulted.