We should not just get rid of emotions as they contain valuable information that guides and grows us if approached correctly and without resistance or judgment. This goes for any emotion. Be it shame, fear, anxiety, apathy, anger, joy, courage, sadness, grief and guilt. Here’s how you approach guilt the healthy way :
Understand the Purpose
The whole purpose of guilt is to make us aware when we are behaving and acting out of character, when we are losing or compromising our integrity and when we did something wrong or hurt someone else. So, when we feel guilty, it’s a sign that our moral compass is still working . Discover and reflect on guilt nature . Dive deep into the heart of guilt and discover whether it is a friend or foe in your life. Explore the difference between rational and irrational guilt, and learn how to distinguish your emotions. #Discover how to untangle the complexities of guilt and understand the underlying reasons for your feelings.
Rational Guilt
It’s a feeling of remorse and regret that we experience when we really screwed up or when whatever we said or did directly caused harm to other. I.e. when you cheated on someone or physically hurt them. This is the type of guilt we are supposed to act on through apologizing, improving our #behaviour and committing to growth. Those feelings of remorse and regret are supposed to hold you accountable and show you areas where you’re not acting in accordance to who you think you are and who you want to be. When you act on this guilt, it greatly helps to forgive yourself and to let it go.
Irrational Guilt
Irrational Guilt is based on low #Self-Esteem and experienced when you take responsibility for things you didn’t do and aren’t responsible for at all. For instance, when you feel guilty for ending a relationship that was toxic to both you and the other. Why isn’t it productive to feel guilty for ending it? Because you’ve been real and did what you thought was best for you and them.
Never apologize or feel guilty for being real !
This type of guilt has to be approached with a focus on building stronger boundaries. On reminding yourself what you can and cannot control, what you are responsible for and what you aren’t responsible for.
Forgive Yourself
It can be very difficult to forgive yourself when you are really screwed up and know for a fact that whatever suffering someone else experiences is the by product and consequence of your words, actions, decisions and behaviours.
However, as long as you are committed to personal growth, genuinely apologize and improve your behaviour, it’s safe to forgive yourself for and grow through past mistakes since you hold yourself accountable and fully understand why the thing you said or did was wrong.
Call it guilt, fear, anger, or hatred – essentially, it means your thoughts and emotions are working against you – Sadhguru
As for the other person that got hurt, you cannot control if and when they accept your apology. They may never forgive you or they may find the space in their heart to let go of the past and move on.
However, if they do the latter, it doesn’t mean they will take you back. All it means is that they freed themselves from the resentment that kept poisoning them. #Practice mindfulness techniques to help you detach from your thoughts and emotions
Have you ever wondered why “sharing stuff with friends
& people” is so glorified?
Before we explore its perceived importance,
let’s ponder this: Could feelings of loneliness stem from holding back our
thoughts or from comparing ourselves to idealized versions on social media and
within social setup’s?
The fact is that a significant majority—about 90%—of people
lack deep self-awareness. Instead, many adhere to societal norms without
genuine introspection, a behaviour learned from an early age. This raises the
question: Could there be more to loneliness than meets the eye? Let’s explore
this further
Inherent Capability and Emotional Resilience
Human species possess the inherent capability to manage our
emotions independently, this vital skill is hardly taught effectively how to do
it right—at home, in school, or anywhere else. The result? We end up with a gap
in our emotional resilience, which leads to loneliness and rising cases of anxiety
& depression.
Early Conditioning and Social Interaction
From an early age, we’re told to talk and share with others
instead of focusing on self-reflection and writing things down on daily basis.
This wires our brains to think that without constant chatter and sharing, we
can’t tackle loneliness. Now, with the pressures of modern life, we’re short on
time and fewer interactions, which reinforces this belief leading us to think
that we cannot maintain mental well-being without regular sharing and
engagement with friends and peers.
Deeper Issues: Root Causes of Loneliness
I’m not here advocating we should cut ourselves off from
socializing altogether—connecting with others is important part being a social
animal. But we need to recognize that feelings of loneliness often stem from
deeper issues like lacking purpose, feeling unfulfilled in our daily routines
or lifestyle, and not having clear goals or passions to purse. These factors
contribute to the sense of monotony and joylessness that many experience in
their daily lives, especially after their thirties, when responsibilities
mainly revolve around family obligations. Nowadays, this phenomenon is
increasingly affecting youngsters as well due to many reasons like social media
and Comparison, Pressure to Succeed, Changing Family Dynamics, Lack of
Authentic Connections, Uncertainty and Future Anxiety Cultural Norms and
Expectations. Addressing these issues requires a holistic approach.
Strategies for Combatting Loneliness
To combat loneliness effectively, it’s imperative to address
its roots. This begins with introspective practices such as journaling,
exploring insightful books, Setting Clear Goals and Pursuing Passions, and
fostering positive and empowering self-dialogue.
Disempowering thoughts and beliefs:
I feel isolated because I don’t have friends to confide in.
My thoughts and feelings don’t matter since there’s no one
to listen.
I can’t find solutions to my problems because I have no one
to bounce ideas off.
I’m missing out on meaningful connections and experiences
because I don’t have close friends.
Without friends, life feels empty and lacking in purpose.
I struggle to express myself because I don’t have a
supportive social circle.
I feel disconnected from others and unable to relate to
people around me.
I’m destined to be lonely because I haven’t found anyone who
understands me.
I’m not worthy of friendships or meaningful relationships.
My happiness depends on having someone to share my life
with.
Positive and empowering self-dialogue:
I find true fulfilment by nurturing my inner peace and
self-awareness.
I trust in my own abilities to create joy and fulfilment in
my life.
I am complete and whole within myself, regardless of
external circumstance.
I embrace my independence and cherish the connections I do
have.
I am surrounded by love and support, even if I don’t always
see it.
These type of self-talks or affirmations can help shift the
focus away from disempowering beliefs about loneliness and encourage a positive
mindset towards self-worth, resilience, and attracting fulfilling relationships. (Technique 2))
By gaining clarity on our authentic selves and identifying
our fundamental needs & Personality type, we pave the way not only to
navigate loneliness but also to forge deeper, more meaningful connections.
Conclusion: Holistic Approach to Well-being
In essence, while social interaction has its
merits, true fulfilment lies in the balance between external connections and
internal self-reliance. By nurturing both, we embark on a journey towards
holistic personal growth and emotional well-being.
I encourage to begin by identifying the true sources of
loneliness—the root causes—and understanding your authentic self and core
needs.
This self-awareness is essential for effectively addressing
and navigating through feelings of loneliness.
So, how will you strike that perfect balance between
reaching out and looking within to live a fulfilling life, free from relying
solely on external validations? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Discover the secret to break free from mental Challenges by learning
to differentiate between Overthinking and Anxiety
Overthinking and anxiety are terms that are
often used interchangeably, but they actually have different meanings. While
overthinking involves excessive #worry and analysis, #anxiety is a more
generalized feeling of apprehension and uneasiness.
Confused in Anxiety and Overthinking
In this post, I will discuss the
differences between these two concepts, as well as share some strategies for
managing them. Whether you’re dealing with overthinking or anxiety, it’s
important to remember that you’re not alone and there are ways to cope.”
People try to create an outwardly perfect life, but the
quality of life is based on the inward- #Sadhguru
1. Introduction
Overthinking: Overthinking refers to a repetitive process of dwelling on or obsessing over thoughts, events, or scenarios. It involves analyzing situations excessively, often focusing on potential negative outcomes or past events. Overthinkers may have difficulty making decisions due to overanalyzing possibilities and may feel stuck in a loop of thoughts without reaching resolution.
Anxiety: Anxiety is a broader emotional and physiological response to perceived threats or stressors. It involves feelings of worry, fear, or apprehension about future events, with a sense of unease or dread. Anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, and difficulty concentrating. It is often accompanied by irrational or excessive thoughts (worries) that are challenging to control.
2. Distinguishing Features:
A) Focus:
Overthinking: Focuses on repetitive thoughts and analysis of specific situations or events, often related to past experiences or decision-making.
Anxiety: Focuses on future-oriented worries or fears about potential threats or negative outcomes.
B) Impact on Functioning:
Overthinking: Can lead to indecision, difficulty concentrating on tasks, and a preoccupation with details that may not significantly impact daily functioning.
Anxiety: Can significantly impair daily functioning, affecting work, relationships, and overall quality of life due to heightened stress responses and avoidance behaviors.
C) Physical Symptoms:
Overthinking: May not always be accompanied by physical symptoms unless it escalates into anxiety or stress-related reactions.
Anxiety: Often accompanied by physical symptoms such as tension, restlessness, gastrointestinal issues, and sleep disturbances.
D) Time Orientation:
Overthinking: Often involves dwelling on past events or ruminating about current issues without necessarily projecting into the future.
Anxiety: Primarily focuses on future concerns and potential threats, with an emphasis on anticipation and preparedness.
Example Scenarios:
Overthinking: Spending hours replaying a conversation in your mind, analyzing every word spoken and its potential implications.
Anxiety: Feeling intense fear and dread about an upcoming presentation, accompanied by physical symptoms like sweating and a racing heartbeat.
3. Strategy:
Here are a few steps to Reframe negative
thoughts into positive self-talk:
Identify negative
thought patterns:
Notice when you’re
engaging in negative self-talk and identify the specific thoughts that are
causing you distress.
Example: You
receive a critical comment on a project at work.
Negative: Thought
Pattern: Overgeneralization.
Thought: “I
always mess things up. I’m such a failure.”
2. Challenge negative
thoughts:
Question whether the
negative thoughts are accurate or helpful. Ask yourself if there’s another way
to look at the situation.
Evidence: Is there evidence to support this belief?
Alternative
explanations: Are there
other reasons this could have happened?
Is this helpful? How does this thought help or hinder me?
3.Replace negative
thoughts with positive affirmations:
Choose positive
statements that counteract the negative thoughts, such as “I am capable
and worthy,” or “I can handle whatever comes my way.”
Affirmation: “I am capable of learning from feedback
and improving my skills.”
Present Tense: “I am open to constructive criticism
and use it to grow professionally.”
Believable: “I have successfully overcome
challenges in the past and can do so again.”o so again.”
4. Treatment Considerations:
Overthinking: Mindfulness can be beneficial.
Anxiety: Treatment may include therapy (e.g.,cognitive-behavioral therapy(CBT),Neural reprogramming ,Reframing ), medication, and stress management techniques like yoga ,mindfulness etc to reduce symptoms and improve coping skills.
Understanding these distinctions can help individuals identify whether they are experiencing overthinking, anxiety, or potentially both, and seek appropriate support or strategies for managing their mental health effectively.
Understanding the differences between overthinking and anxiety can be crucial for recognizing and managing these mental states effectively. Here’s a questionnaire to help distinguish between overthinking and anxiety:
5. Self Help Technique :
Overthinking vs. Anxiety Questionnaire
Feel free to use this questionnaire to reflect on your own thoughts and feelings related to overthinking and anxiety, and to help differentiate between these two mental states. Technique 3
Do you ever experience feelings of hurt or being undervalued by the words spoken by your partner, family members, or friends?
I think we’ve all been there at some point.
It's not just about what's said, but how it's being received that matters .
In this post, we’ll explore why certain words have influence over our emotions and our perception of ourselves, including our sense of self-worth and self-respect. let’s explore how understanding underlying psychology can bring self-awareness in you to help you grow but also deepen your relationships. Join me on this journey where understanding your reactions isn’t just important for personal growth but can also be the foundation for stronger connections with those around you. Together, we’ll uncover why these comments hit so hard and explore strategies to cultivate emotional resilience.
From Reactivity to Responsiveness: The Triggers Behind Why Some Words Sting Hard:
Triggers are stimuli that provoke intense emotional or psychological reactions in individuals, influenced by various factors. These triggers can lead to diverse behaviors and reactions, often causing disturbances in relationships and life. Behavioral and emotional responses to simple sayings or words are influenced by various factors, including:
1. Personal History:
Past experiences, traumas, and upbringing significantly affect how individuals perceive and respond to words.
For instance, someone who has endured bullying may have a heightened reaction to specific words like “weak” or “fight back.” Similarly, a wife who has discovered her husband’s infidelity may respond defensively and aggressively in social discussions on related topics, perceiving it as a personal attack.
“As these reactions are deeply personal and stem from individual experiences, it’s essential for individuals to recognize and understand their triggers to navigate interactions more effectively.”
2. Beliefs and Values:
Individuals’ perceptions of themselves, others, and their environment significantly influence their emotional and behavioral responses. For instance, someone who highly values independence may defensively react to words implying dependency or weakness, often resisting suggestions from others.
Similarly, if someone strongly believes that only employed women are valuable, non-working women may feel undervalued, especially when witnessing a husband praising his colleague who is employed.
This situation may evoke feelings of comparison, personal attack, leading to reactions such as aggression, sarcasm, or emotional distress. Additionally, someone with low self-esteem may misinterpret praise as insincere or sarcastic, further impacting their emotional state.
3. Emotional State:
The current emotional state has a significant impact on how they interpret and respond to words or situations.
For instance, if someone is grieving and already feeling depressed, they might react more strongly and negatively to simple words, requests, or genuine efforts to help them deal with their grief. They may feel as though others are only concerned about themselves and don’t genuinely care about their loss.
4. Cognitive Processing:
The way individuals interpret and process words can impact their emotional and behavioral responses.
For instance, someone who tends to catastrophize may interpret a neutral comment as highly negative, leading to an exaggerated emotional response. This happens due to their tendency to magnify or amplify potential threats or negative outcomes in their mind.
By actively challenging and reframing catastrophic thoughts, individuals can reduce the likelihood of exaggerated emotional responses and cultivate a more balanced and resilient mindset.
It’s essential to recognize that it’s our perception of the situation that upsets our mood, rather than the words or actions of others.
5. Cultural and Societal Norms:
These triggers shaped by cultural & societal norms and interactions, can evoke emotional or behavioral responses which can influence how individuals interpret and respond to words.
Certain words or phrases may carry different meanings or connotations across cultures, leading to varied emotional responses.
For example, suppose a man assists his partner with household chores and childcare In that case, he may encounter criticism, such as being called “zoru ka gulam” in Indian culture, which can harm his masculinity and self-esteem. As a result, he might avoid helping or react defensively/aggressively to safeguard his ego.
Understanding these dynamics helps us cope with verbal criticism, bolstering emotional resilience and self-esteem.
Through self-awareness and mindful communication, we can prevent others’ words and comments from dictating our lives, as they reflect their values and beliefs, not ours.
6. Social validation and comparisons:
Social validation and comparisons are other triggers shaping our emotional well-being and fostering harmony within our homes.
Words that affirm or challenge our social identity and sense of belonging hold significant influence over us. Positive affirmations can uplift our self-esteem, while criticism or rejection may provoke feelings of inadequacy or loneliness.
Social media often amplifies these comparisons, particularly when women encounter their friends’ posts showcasing extravagant weddings, vacations, or seemingly flawless relationships. However, it’s essential to recognize that these curated images may not always reflect reality.
Such exposure often triggers feelings of inadequacy or jealousy, accentuating their own family’s restrictions or limitations and leading to emotional distress.
Consequently, individuals may start taking every other word or statement as a personal attack, affecting not only their relationships but also their social interactions
7. Low Self-Worth:
This factor is crucial in understanding why people often misinterpret situations and feel others are trying to disrespect or devalue them.
Women are particularly prone to this phenomenon due to their heightened emotional sensitivity, which is influenced by biological factors.
Misinterpretation of the words contributes to the intensity of emotional reactions triggered by certain words in several ways:
Sensitivity to Criticism: Individuals with low self-worth tend to be highly sensitive to criticism or negative feedback, which can trigger intense emotional reactions like shame, inadequacy, or worthlessness, as well as lead to social comparison, all rooted in past experiences and background.
Validation Seeking: People with low self-worth often seek external validation to feel better about themselves. Imagine someone who continually seeks reassurance from their romantic partner, craving expressions of love and value. Yet, if they receive an unromantic response instead, it reinforces their negative self-perceptions, damaging their self-esteem. This dependency on external validation can result in emotional turmoil and strained relationships, fueling a cycle of seeking approval.
It is important to recognize that our sense of self-worth and value comes from within. Developing a strong internal sense of self-worth that isn’t solely reliant on validation from external sources such as partners, friends, or societal standards is crucial. While seeking reassurance from others is natural, cultivating self-worth independent of external opinions is essential for personal growth and resilience. By understanding and challenging our psychological programming, we can free ourselves from the cycle of seeking validation from others and build healthier relationships.
Negative Self-Talk: Individuals with low self-worth often engage in negative self-talk, consistently criticizing themselves or doubting their abilities, whether consciously or unconsciously. When individuals hear words that resonate with their negative self-perceptions like ‘You’re not good enough’ or ‘You’ll never succeed, it can validate these beliefs and intensify their emotional reactions, such as anger, sadness, hurt, frustration, and anxiety.
To deal with negative self-talk, start by recognizing and pen down when it happens and challenging those thoughts.Instead of believing them as truths, question their validity and replace them with more positive alternatives.
Perceived Threat to Identity:
Words that challenge or undermine aspects of a person’s identity can be particularly triggering for individuals with low self-worth. These words may threaten their sense of self and provoke defensive or protective responses to preserve their fragile self-esteem. For example, if someone criticizes a person’s career choice, suggesting that it doesn’t match their abilities, it could lead the individual to question their career path and feel insecure about their skills and value in that profession. This could trigger emotional reactions such as anger, arguments, feeling hurt, or insulted.
In conclusion, our reactions to words are influenced by a variety of factors, including personal history, cultural norms, and our self-worth. Understanding these triggers is key to maintaining emotional resilience and healthy relationships.
By challenging negative self-talk, seeking validation from within, and cultivating self-worth independent of external opinions, we can lead more fulfilling harmonious lives.
